I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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