No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
