I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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