Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
