It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
