I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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