I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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