I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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