he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
