We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
