He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
