I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Farmville is her only friend.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
