i already hear my dad disowning me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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