Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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