that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
