I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
