No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
