She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
