are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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