Where is the hickey?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
