I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
