I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
