how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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