i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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