I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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