Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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