Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
