go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
