I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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