My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
