"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
