you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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