You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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