Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
