There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's the barista slut.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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