I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
