thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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