She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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