We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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