im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
