Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
