pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
