just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
