google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
