Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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