dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
