Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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