i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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