if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
