The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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