I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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