after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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