i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
