I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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