im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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